This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
