Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't think brook has ever known best
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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