I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
