here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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