Got a toothbrush?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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