I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
