They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
