i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
