her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
