No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
