she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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