i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
