We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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