you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
