Me too!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im holly from the hills drunk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
