sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that's an acceptable place to lick
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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