yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
