What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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