i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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