so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
