You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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