Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
