I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nutella sex= disaster
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
