wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We're too hungover to prance.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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