you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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