It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
