Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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