he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
