peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
