I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
