I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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