Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize