Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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