Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize