first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
