My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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