When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
