dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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