i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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