I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
