Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
