sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
