We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize