Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize