My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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