Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize