i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
