I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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