you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
