im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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