Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
