My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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