Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
