"it" just moved
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
