if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
