We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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