It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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