I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
