The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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