dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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