I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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