I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we're making bets on your personal life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
